Good Things for Those Who Ask

It was some time back in April 2025 when I proposed an idea to Katie. I can still picture the quizzical look on her face. My idea was simple: Bring a group of your friends to the monastery for a retreat. With three children, her oldest two in high school, I figured that she knew other mothers immersed in their Catholic faith who would benefit from a weekend away. And, from my experience, I knew she was also the type of person who naturally built relationships and could convince her friends to join her for a weekend. My last plea to sell the idea to her was, “Think of it as part retreat and part girls’ weekend at a monastery!”

Chris and Katie Barmann have been friends of mine for the past 10 years. I first met Chris in 2015 at the Spiritual Mentorship Program hosted by the Holy Family School of Faith in Kansas City. As two of the younger men in the program, we hit it off right away. Chris also had another connection to the Abbey—his uncle is a monk of our community—Fr. Karl Barmann.

Over the years, our friendship has grown and has always been solidly rooted in our Catholic faith. With Katie’s exceptional culinary skills, I cannot pass up a dinner invitation. I have seen their children grow up, and I have fond memories of having Mass for them at their house or playing football in the yard. Chris grew up not far from the Abbey, and I have hosted their family for retreat, organizing times for prayer, a scavenger hunt for the boys, and introducing them to wallyball.

We hosted Katie and 16 of her friends in mid-September 2025. The weather was perfect for an evening bonfire, where they met other monks. Br. John and his older brother, Danny, introduced themselves, and a small group of women asked them to share their stories of how they grew in their Catholic faith. After a few stories and interactions, one of the women announced, “I want my sons and my husband to come up here and experience this place!” When I heard that comment, I knew the Holy Spirit was stirring. I told them right away, “You don’t suggest something like that around me, unless you really want it to happen.”

The rest of the weekend with the ladies was a real blessing. The highlight for many of them was taking a Saturday afternoon hiking adventure to the Marian grotto—all 17 women—getting lost along the way, but eventually finding their destination in what became a movement of pure joy. Through laughter, I heard the story of how, upon arriving at the grotto, the women gathered around, offered their intentions to the Blessed Virgin Mary, and did their best to recall the words of various Marian hymns as they broke out in spontaneous song. The afternoon concluded with a Holy Hour in the Basilica—time set aside to remain peaceful and give thanks in the presence of the Eucharistic Lord.

The weekend retreat offered these women—many of them mothers with young children—the opportunity to strengthen their faith and grow the bonds of friendship. It was much-appreciated time away and gave them encouragement to continue to seek friendship and community with one another. Additionally, ideas surfaced for a potential father-son retreat, and I began looking for a possible weekend.

On January 2, 2026, a group of fathers and sons, 28 in total, arrived at Conception Abbey. Many of the boys knew each other from St. James Academy Catholic High School, though some attended other high schools on the Missouri side. While Katie stayed home, it was now Chris’s time to be on retreat with their two sons.

Danny Fisher gave conferences focused on the Litany of St. Joseph. It was moving to see fathers growing in their Catholic faith alongside their sons. While I did not know what “January in Missouri” weather would hold, God blessed us with a beautiful sunny day to take the same walk the women had taken just a few months earlier. Gathered around the statue of Our Lady of Grace, I reminded the group how many of their mothers and wives came to this very place to pray for their families. Then, I led the group in prayer, and the fathers and sons added their own intercessory prayers aloud. The afternoon continued with a variety of sports activities in the gymnasium and a Holy Hour before Vespers.

Perhaps the most powerful moment was the time allotted Sunday morning for “sharing of graces.” We divided into two groups: the fathers in one room, the sons in another. Each had the opportunity to share a highlight or grace from the weekend. I was struck by the men’s desire to grow in their Catholic faith and to become the fathers they want to be for their sons. They were open about their many hesitations and protests about coming on the retreat, but expressed their gratitude for having overcome such reluctance.

The retreat was particularly impactful because the boys either knew each other or had some connection. The spiritual environment encouraged them to disconnect from technology, being freed from the persistent demands of academics and athletics, and just living as sons who are loved both by their Heavenly Father and their earthly fathers.

—Fr. Paul Sheller, OSB
Abbey Guest Center Director

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